Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Two months out of a long lifetime

Two months have gone by. I have said it before, this has been a long two months. Time, with regard to Shannon, moves at a different pace than regular time. And it is amazing how close to the surface the tears still are and how quickly they come. There is a lot of guilt involved in moving on, or moving forward, or just moving. There is no sense that any of this has an end, it just seems that the grief goes on, and sometimes you find some new pot of grief that you hadn't even found before and there you go, back into the grief again. And what comes next? I don't know. I don't know if I will be able to have any more children. How do you know when to give up? When it is time to say enough is enough? All I know is that 8 weeks later, I miss my daughter so much. I didn't know what a broken heart really felt like before now, or how much it hurts. I want my daughter back and it's just not fair.

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