Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Another year gone

It's 2011. Seriously, where did the time go? So much time passes, we hardly notice it anymore. And, then, you realize that it's almost been 3 years since my little girl died. Wow. That is a real long time, when you think about it. Several of my friends have recently passed their 3 year marks too. And they told me what I already knew, it still sucks. It still hurts and, what's worse, is that so few people remember anymore that 3 years ago, a happy mom and dad were happily pregnant and happily preparing to expand their lives to include a child who, in the end, didn't stay.

Recently, I've been seeing posts about a little baby named Scarlett Grace. Thousands of people are praying for a miracle for her. I had no idea, until today, what they were talking about. And when I found out, I cried because right now, there is a family in California with a beautiful little 3 month old girl who is in surgery because she has a form of cancer that is 1/6 million. One in six million. What kind of crappy odds are they to be on the wrong side of?

I get crappy odds. What happened to my Shannon was 1 in a million. I know how much that sucks. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Shannon and her last days, because I have been sick. What's the connection? The connection is that, on the night Shannon died, I had a terrible cold. I couldn't breathe and I took a sudafed because my doctor told me it was ok (and it was). Then I slept. And while I slept, Shannon died. And, after that, I was too afraid to ever take any medications when I finally got pregnant again. Especially sudafed. So, in dealing with this annoying illness, I've spent a lot of time thinking about my baby, and how much I miss her.

3 years has gone by so quickly. My rainbow baby is 18 months old and the love of my life. But I miss my Shannon. And I hope that if she has any pull wherever she is in the universe, that she can send some good vibes to that little baby girl in California to give her the healing she needs to stay here with her mommy and daddy. I don't believe in miracles, but in case they do exist, I'd like to give the one I didn't get 3 years ago to someone else who seems to really need it now.