Thursday, November 6, 2008

How do you measure a year?

One year ago, just a few days ago, I found out that I was pregnant with Shannon. Never did I think that one year later, I'd be sitting here still mourning her death. A lot can happen in a year. For most people, it seems that they don't get to spend their time wondering what could have been... But, I guess that I am not like most people.

This week, while America was voting in change, babies were born, some lived, some did not. Someone who I have come to consider a friend, even though we've never met, suffered a terrible loss. And my sadness for her is deep, because it reminds me of the fragility of life and reminds me that we should never take things for granted. I marvel at people who, in the face of unspeakable tragedy, maintain a perspective that I just don't have. Even now, a year after seeing that second line, 9 months after losing my little girl, I don't have that perspective. I don't suppose that I ever will.

How do you measure a year - boxes and boxes of tissues, the gain and loss of friends, the fact that I am still here, a year later, still wondering what the hell happened to me and my life... Some things will never change.