Tuesday, June 17, 2008

thought for today

My storehouse burnt down,
There is nothing to obstruct
The moon-view.

Mizuta Masahide (1657-1723)

Today, my dear old friend from college, Phil called. He told me that he wanted to call me in February, after Shannon died, but he figured that I'd be deluged in calls, and he didn't want to be part of the crush. When I finished laughing at the thought that people reacted to the death of a baby that way, I told him that reactions like that are just not what you get when your baby dies. Most people don't say anything. He wondered what is the right thing to say - I told him it was simple. "man, that sucks. and I am sorry for your loss." That about sums it up.

But, as old friends do, we started catching up on what was new in the million years since we last spoke and he asked me how I was. And I said that, putting aside the great suck that is losing Shannon, I am ok. I am a different person than I was before I lost Shannon, but that I was ok with the person that I was now. I also told him that I was ok with being bitter, it sure beat crying all the time.

He shared with me the haiku above after I told him about how I started purging my life after Shannon died because none of the material things mattered anymore. He understood. It is so nice to be understood sometimes. It is wonderful to have a voice from your past cruise out of the ether and just remind you that you are ok and that you will be ok and that you have friends out there who are going to randomly call you on a Tuesday night because they want to be sure that you are ok. Sometimes it does suck a little less.

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