Friday, October 24, 2008

More than a river in Egypt

This has been a divisive year. First, losing Shannon, which has sucked beyond suck. Then, dealing with the aftermath of losing Shannon, which includes my inability to successfully get pregnant (still). Then, dealing with some less than supportive siblings, parents and friends, who don't know quite what to do or say, so they kinda just want me to get over it or hope that I have (they don't know if I have because they don't ask.)

It's also a divisive election year so, like anyone else who is trying to distract themselves from being a grieving mom, I've been engaging myself in other things, like election debate and discussion. It's interesting, fun and educational (and a great distraction)

Until yesterday. Yesterday, someone pissed me off. Big time. And it wasn't really about an election issue, per se. And I want to get it off my chest because it really bothered me, as the mom of a deadbaby.

A pregnant person yesterday pitched a fit over someone posting a photo of their stillborn son on an internet discussion board. She said that it was going to give her nightmares and that it ruined the rest of her pregnancy. And told the mom that photos like that don't belong.

Wow. Just wow. So, to her, oblivious pregnant woman, I say SUCK IT. And get over it. And a great big fuck you. Who are you to tell any mom that their photos of their child, living or dead, do not meet your standards of what is acceptable. I don't care that you want to go through your pregnancy pretending that people like us don't exist and that bad things don't happen. Lalala, better get your fingers out of your ears before you cross the street. We do exist and there are an awful lot of us, and what you said was stupid, hurtful and showed your ignorance of reality. Not every pregnancy boils down to 9 months = baby. Get over yourself.

You are not better than anyone else. And just because you don't want to think about the unthinkable, guess what, it's our life. We are living your nightmare every day. And we hope and wish every day that you don't ever know our pain or what it is like to not get to bring our babies home alive.

Don't demean us by acting like we are supposed to pretend that we and our children don't exist. Because that only pisses us off. And you made my friend cry, which really pisses me off. We are allowed to publicly post our birth announcements, we are allowed to show pictures of our children, we are allowed to call ourselves moms. And if you don't like it, well you can kiss my fat ass.

7 comments:

Tiffany said...

I couldn't have said it any better myself. You go girl. These types of people need a wake up call.

Jessica said...

I second that notion! People are so freaking insensitive!

Never forgetting Gregory said...

OMG. I can't believe that. It infuriates me. I can't help but think terrible thoughts toward that woman. These are the ONLY pictures of our babies we will ever have. grrr.

Katie said...

Well said Liz! Hang in there! We miss you...

Anonymous said...

Thank you . You took the words right out of my mouth. Next time I run into this I am just going to cut and paste your words and send them along because THAT is the truth you are speaking!

Tristansmommy said...

Liz you said it best when you said a big Fuck you!! I wish I would have just said that in the post!! Love ya and thank you!!

Lynne said...

Good for you!!! Unbelievable how some people can be.