happy birthday butterfly

It's been 3 years since we said hello and goodbye to Shannon. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago. February is always a hard month to deal with. I had my first pregnancy loss in February, then, exactly one year later, my 3rd - Shannon.

Losing Shannon gave me a perspective on life that I never had. I have met so many people along the way of my loss journey, but losing Shannon was a real eye opener. Some people have fallen by the wayside because of how she has changed me, and others have come with me on this long journey of healing and self-discovery.

I'm here, I survived. I miss my little girl every day. I wish she didn't die, but I also know that my life would be radically different today if she had lived. If any of my lost butterflies had lived, I wouldn't have known the life I have now. And I wouldn't give up the life I have now, even if I could go back and change things.

I don't believe that stuff happens for a reason. I believe that stuff happens. How we deal with it is the measure of us as humans. How others relate to the bad things that happen to us is the measure of their value in our lives. To understand that, I believe, is a gift. A gift that Shannon gave to me, because she wasn't going to stay. And I appreciate that, even if my heart still hurts.

So, happy birthday little butterfly. I'm sure that you would have had an extraordinary life. And I look forward to Spring, when the butterflies will return and I'll send you wishes and love with each one.