Thursday, February 5, 2009

The day before....

The day before Shannon died. Wednesday, February 6, 2008. I was so sick Monday that I stayed home Tuesday. On wednesday, we had a workman coming to install ceiling fans, so I went to work and took Sean to school.
I remember using my doppler that morning and listening to my baby, never realizing that I'd never hear that sound again. I remember lying there, with the doppler, just listening for what seemed like a long time that day. Who knew that it really was such a short time?

On the way home that day, I remember being so very angry at my son for telling a lie. I was really angry. Who knew how stupid that was at the time?
I remember having so much trouble going to sleep that night because of my stuff nose. I remember taking a sudafed and sleeping all night. Who knew that I wouldn't wake up from the nightmare that awaited me when I opened my eyes that next day?

That was the day before. Who knew that it was going to be the last day of my old life? Who knew that was the last day I'd still believe that happiness was really attainable? Who knew that my life now seems more appropriately among the dead and grieving, instead of in life?

Things really do change in a heartbeat (or the lack thereof). Who knew?


Kristi said...

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you and will continue to do so. This is a rough month for a lot of us so please know that you're not alone. ((hugs))

Never forgetting Gregory said...

This is such a tough time. I'm thinking of you and hoping the days don't hurt as bad as we imagine they will. I'm sorry it has been this long without your little girl. Hugs.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry for your loss of Shannon. We lost our Emma this past July to a cord accident at 20 weeks. One of my biggest regrets is not recording her heartbeat on our computer like we did with our son's. We thought we'd have time...Again, I'm sorry.