Today, I had that feeling that my body didn't feel in the least bit like it had been pregnant. I don't look pregnant, just kind soft around the middle, like normal, and it makes me a little sad to think that the human body can give birth, and just a week later, be back to normal. Of course, your heart and your mind take much longer, but it is sad just the same. I held a baby today, and I didn't cry, so that is a good thing. I also took a cheapy dollar store home pregnancy test, and it was negative. It was the same kind of test that announced that Shannon was on her way so, in a sad way, it is almost fitting that an identical test announced that the hormones she made in me were gone.
I went out in public with other people today. It was ok. Am I ready to go back to work? Not really, but we'll deal with that in a few days.
According to the funeral home person, they are supposed to get the stamp for Shannon's cremation tomorrow and, if they can, they will cremate her tomorrow. I really need this to be over so I can have her physically home with me and my family. I think it will be a helpful thing for my healing to have her here with me.
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