Seven months

Yesterday, one of the deadbaby moms said to me that I need to come visit her after her baby is born, but that she would totally understand if I couldn't do it. And that was nice. Because there are so very few people who realize that time doesn't always make it better, and that watching other people move forward with their lives while you are still swirling around the drain in yours might not always be the best thing. But what I realize that is feeling bad is subjective and discretionary - more specifically, there are some people (and their babies) that I know that I will be ok with, and some that I know that I won't. It's not rational, it's entirely a gut feeling, but it's the best that I've got. And I know that I would be ok with her. Other people, not so much. Oh well.

I found out that Shannon died 7 months ago, today. This day has been floating in my head all week, but it has been (and continues to be) pretty distant and abstract. Like I am not entirely sure how I should feel, so I just sort of feel tired about it all. I miss my baby all the time, but it's farther away now, I still remember her face, and my time with her, but it seems like it was a lifetime ago. Maybe it was.

Shannon - mommy misses you. It's wrong that you are gone and I am sad every day without you.